The correspondence of Apartment 5402 in exile

Alex
Julia
Rita
Becky


Wednesday, November 19, 2008

i suck at games.

Dear 5402ers,

Before Becky posts and I get shut out of this blog completely (who knew we would all be posting this frequently? It's kind of amazing!) I think I need to state something publicly: I have always studied hard.

This may seem like a random self-affirming proclamation, but it relates to both Rita and Alex's most recent posts. Let me explain:

First off, Rita says that due to her influence, I studied more in college than I otherwise would have. (And thanks to me, her hairbrushes are clean.) Rita likes to goad me by telling me that, while I have only marginally affected her life and viewpoints, she has completely transformed mine. We talk about this surprisingly often, and no matter how much I protest that I have, in fact, rubbed off on her in significant ways, she is never convinced. (I'm sure this doesn't surpise you at all, Alex and Becky, since as you well know, Rita is rarely convinced by anyone's arguments, except her own, and maybe Hannah Arendt's.) In any case, there is no categorical way to prove that I have been an influence in her life, or indeed, in any of my friends lives. I will freely admit, though, that all the members of the 5402 (Nigel and Beatrice included) have certainly influenced my life. (And when we do get around to the topic of friendship/pseudo-lesbianism, I will expand on this.)

My life began long before the 5402, however, and this brings me to my second point: I have always been an excellent student. I'm not bragging, I swear, it's just true. There was a brief period (mostly 8th grade, when I was miserable and didn't care about life or the future) when my record wasn't totally stellar, but for the most part, my lifetime GPA is pretty high. This is due to the fact that I always liked school (except, of course, for 8th grade, when I hated everything). And in high school, especially the last two years of it, you could say that I loved school. I know that sounds extremely odd, but again, it's just true.

There were obviously things I hated (my soccer coach, several of my classmates, calculus) but other than these things, school itself was great. My classmates were very smart, most of my teachers were interesting, and I learned a great deal. There was, of course, a game to be played, as Alex says: I tried to cultivate an image of studiousness, and I joined after-school activities (newspaper, yearbook) with this image in mind. To do well in my high school, though, you had to work hard, and I remember burning the midnight oil more than once. I actually enjoyed this, and looking back now, it was in high school that I realized how much I liked learning just for the sake of it. I never enjoyed playing the game, but that was mostly secondary, and it didn't get you As (or in my case, 7s - IB grading is weird). Those of us who worked hard did well, and we got public recognition for it, too: at the end of every school year, teachers would give out awards for excellence. (And I won several.)

Then I went to college, where I failed to play the game entirely, but I didn't fail to study (thanks to Rita, apparently). This was great at the time, since I always hated the game but I did, sado-masochistly, enjoy studying. And since I no longer had to collect activities and cultivate relationships with teachers so that I could get into a good college, this didn't seem like a totally horrible way to live my life. In the long-run, though, the results have been mixed, and I kind of regret it now.

My point is, I agree with Alex: learning to play the game is important, and not just in high school. In life after school playing the system gets more important, in some ways, both socially and professionally, and I wish I was better at it. I'm not en route to becoming a total loser or anything, but I'm sure it could help. The problem is that people I know who are really excellent at playing the system are mostly douchebags, and I don't particularly want to be like them. I need better role models.

xoxo,
Julia

p.s. I realize this post is mostly about me and how smart I am. Sorry about that.

8 Comments:

Blogger Alex said...

Yeah, but you went to amazing schools. There was nothing for me to study for.
I also overstated my case. I was also, for the most part, always a very good student.

16:58  
Blogger Julia said...

Yes, I did go to good schools, but my point was that, no matter where you went or how you did in school, learning to play the system is important.

And I figured that you overstated your case.

17:09  
Blogger Miss Self-Important said...

Ok, so maybe "influenced you to study" is not the optimal way to phrase this. I know you studied before we met. However, one can study to many ends, and I do recall your telling me in no uncertain terms soon after we started college that you were not interested in grad school or in academia as a future. That doesn't mean you never considered it quietly or even in passing, but you weren't actively pursuing it. I also recall that you wanted to be more social first year (certainly more social than I was willing to be), and even though we kind of hated each other, we did hang out together surprisingly a lot for nemeses (actually, maybe that's the nature of nemeses).

I always suspected that if you had been roommates with someone like Amra (remember Amra? whatever happened to her?) first year, your college trajectory would've turned out somewhat differently since you were more amenable in principle and practice to a more sociable/less academically obsessive college experience than I was. (And Becky, too, since she was around then and mostly not leaving her bed.) I'm not saying that me and Becky were all that was standing between Innocent Freshman Julia and Slutty College Ho Julia, but I think we helped tip the scales towards Serious Student Julia and away from Social Life Priority Julia, both of which are possibilities embedded in your character. Obviously, it was in my interest to do this, since if you did become Social Life Priority Julia, we wouldn't be able to relate as well.

Also, you have to make the case for how you influenced me beyond hairbrush cleaning and soap dish providing. You did berate me about my fashion choices all the damn time. What else?

21:33  
Blogger Julia said...

I'm surprised you think my future was so up for grabs - just because I went to a few frat parties and spent a lot of time in Rico and Adam's room smoking, that does not mean I could ever have become Amra. Alex went to frat parties first year, and is generally more socially inclined than I am, so why don't you claim to have "influenced" her studiousness all the time?

And yes, I did dislike you during our first year, and for some good reasons. But did you ever think about why we stopped being nemeses? (Or are we still nemeses?!) Certainly it's because I no longer had to live in the same room with you, but it's also because you changed, somewhat. (And maybe I did too.) For one thing, you started to leave your room/the library on the weekends, and we also started to sometimes talk about someone other than you. I'm not saying I'm responsible for these changes, but they did happen.

When I came to college I wanted to be an English major, and I had no idea what I was doing. I probably didn't think I was interested in grad school, but what the hell did I know? I've ended up where I am (and sometimes I think I've ended up nowhere) for lots of reasons, and I still don't know what I want to do. I don't think much has changed about me since since first year. But if you could actually figure out my life for me, I would be so grateful.

I'm not going to get into a thing with you about who influenced what about who - I admit you have influenced me, possibly more than I realize. And your hairbrush is now clean, which is very good.

09:03  
Blogger Miss Self-Important said...

Oy. I thought we had agreed that we mutually influenced each other? My point is not that you were liable to become Amra, only that rooming with someone like Amra would've put pressure on you to care less about school and more about your social life. You probably still would've done better in school than she did (how did she do in school? i don't know--also, I hope she never reads this blog), but maybe you would not have spent your senior year obsessing over Rome and your BA? Also, Alex did not obsess over her BA (unless we consider diligent avoidance to be a kind of obsession), nor does she seem interested in spending 7 years in grad school, so my efforts to influence her apparently fell short. (Why are you not susceptible to my cunning and pressure, Alex?) I'm also not saying I wasn't influenced by you in other capacities, or by other people to be obsessed with school in the first place. All these things also happened. But can't I get any credit?

10:10  
Blogger Alex said...

Well, I think since I never really stopped going to parties, Rita thinks she has failed in influencing my studiousness. I'm the same amount of social that I was first year (which, compared to most people, is not really that social. Rita, you are exceptional in your disdain for recreation).
I'm not going to weigh in on the Julia-Rita influence.

10:10  
Blogger Alex said...

I posted my comment before I read Rita's last comment.
Rita, I think your argument is just going to make me and Julia pissy. Maybe you should lay off about your good influence.

11:04  
Blogger Miss Self-Important said...

ok, ok, i was utterly uninfluential.

15:06  

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